Welcome to 2022! Don’t worry; I could feel that eye roll as you read that! As you know, my blog posts will now be quarterly instead of monthly. I think change is good, so I’m trying out something new this year. Also, they will sometimes be more like updates rather than longer posts, although today’s post is long because of its topic. We’ll see how this change in my posting schedule goes. I’m of course always open to feedback via email, calls, texts, or through my social media pages. I do update my social media pages almost daily…at least twice a week!
This post is a reflection of statements I heard over the past year while working with clients to declutter and organize their homes. Hopefully these reflections and thoughts will help you in your path to creating beautiful space in your home, office, studio, store, or wherever you want peaceful and calm surroundings.
“But I need to decorate for holidays!” This is something that I heard from a lot of clients over the past year. I understand that many of us enjoy decorations during certain holidays; they make us smile and remind us of previous — perhaps happier? — times. And they change up the space a bit, which is nice. However, here’s the thing that I also noticed: it’s stressful and in turn makes some people resentful. I know, I know, you don’t want to hear this. And this is not true for everyone out there. But it IS true for some of you. You want to decorate your home and make it look festive; however, maybe in your family, you are the only person decorating, or rather, the only person lugging the large bin of holiday decorations from the attic after spending an hour trying to find that bin, and meanwhile you’re hungry because you skipped lunch and now it’s past dinnertime, but you’re determined to put up those holiday lights. Maybe you’re also the only person buying the gifts and sending out the cards and cooking the meals. Maybe you set the bar high in terms of how much decorating and merry making needs to be done. Maybe the other members of your family feel as though it all doesn’t need to be done every year. The lack of help frustrates you. The lack of “buy-in” also aggravates you. This builds resentment. And then how does that holiday play out?
So here’s the thing: does this REALLY make you happy? Why are you doing it? If you were to look deep down into your soul, would you find that you’re doing the excessive decorating for some other reason? What is really the issue here? Now, these are BIG questions, and some of you will still answer: “I love decorating and will continue to do it!” OK, great! Then this blog post is not for you. But please continue to read it if you’d like!
From what I’ve seen, I think that A LOT of people decorate because they feel that they have to. They “have done it all these years” or “the kids expect it.” I also think that we’ve been conditioned to do things that we think give our lives more meaning, and sometimes they might, but much of the time we are assigning that meaning (and maybe WAY too much meaning) to things like holiday decorations — plastic Santas, lights on the house, scented candles — in an effort to make ourselves happier. But what would really make us happier? Seeing our family members and having a really great chat? Cooking a beautiful meal with some friends? Hearing that we are appreciated? Getting big hugs from your grandchildren? Relaxing? Taking a walk with an aunt or uncle and hearing funny stories about their teenage years? Dancing? Listening to music with neighbors in a comfortable setting? Getting lost in a book?
I see a lot when I delve into clients’ souls — this is sometimes how I refer to what I do; it feels that way at times — in an effort to declutter their homes (and sometimes their minds and souls!). I don’t always hear or feel happiness from clients. I see and hear stress and pressure. I also feel how overwhelmed they are. And yes, sometimes it comes from expectations that they put on themselves but also that they feel are put on them by others. This especially pops up around holidays.
“There’s never enough time.” Coupled with the earlier statement that I heard from clients last year is this one. I hear this a lot. Almost 100% of my clients say this at some point during my consultation with them. And yet, many of them do not want to let go of “all the things.” Those things can be activities, work, or actual items in their homes. We can’t get time back. We can always make more money or buy stuff. But time always goes forward. Do you think about each day and how you want to spend it? Do you find that you waste a lot of time? Do you consciously prioritize meaningful activities in your day? Do you control all 24 hours in your day? Can you make the hours that you do control meaningful?
What can we do? This way of thinking and feeling goes well beyond the holidays. We often feel that we must do something, but then we say that we don’t have time. This feels awful. This way of doing and being can be applied to so many aspects of our lives. As we’ve learned over the past two years, life is much more difficult now at least for most of the world, so why do we think that we can still do all of the things that we used to do? Why are we setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others? Can we reevaluate? Can we have a conversation with family and friends about all of this? Are we ready to let go? Are we ready to be happy? Are we ready to change?
Cheryl Russo
January 2022